The Gun Vending Machine Outside The Perk | Sunday Afternoon

[hatesmostthings]

Buying the gun was, really and truly, an honest mistake.

Well, maybe not a mistake in the sense that April genuinely regretted it, or felt bad that it had happened. She was actually pretty ambivalent about it. But she had definitely learned a valuable lesson about texting and walking at the same time (living on an island without cars had really made her quite cocky in that regard), and more importantly, about texting and making purchases. Because when you didn't look up or pay attention as you keyed your request into a new but much-appreciated vending machine, sometimes instead of getting a random snack, you got a weapon instead.

April crouched down to pick up whatever had fallen out of the dispenser slot and, well, it wasn't chips. It wasn't even chewing gum.

"What the hell?" she muttered, holding the gun in both hands and only now noticing the word "GUNS" in giant print across the front of the machine. "This isn't a lunch."

Unless she brought it into the preserve and really got pretty good with it, no, it wasn't.

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Comments

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

And here Ron had just been going on an afternoon stroll towards the butcher's store. Maybe have a burger. Enjoy his life as a private citizen.

But he just couldn't let some things go.

"It is," he said, raising his voice, "The only lunch you will ever need, if used correctly."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April looked up from dubiously examining the gun to look at Ron. "Maybe if I could cook," she granted. "You know how to use one of these?"

Ahahaha.

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"My mother taught me this when I was four years old," Ron said. "The fact that yours did not reflects poorly on her."

He meant so kindly!

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"I'm pretty sure mine wouldn't have the first clue how," April pointed out. "Is it important?"

She knew she didn't think so, but was curious what Ron had to say about it. Because pre-canon.

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Of course it's important," Ron said, as if this was the most scandalous thing she could have said. "How else are you going to defend yourself and your property?"

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April (very gently) bounced the gun in her hands, testing its weight. She also examined her fingernails as she was doing it. "No one attacks me and my property," she pointed out. "And if they did I wouldn't turn them into lunch."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

Ron let out a loud sigh. "You will come with me," he said. "We will go out into the woods--"

A pause as something crashed to the ground in the distance,

"...In the untouched woods, and you will learn."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April considered that. "Yeah, okay," she decided. "If we can get burgers after and eat them without talking."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Only if you do not manage to shoot our lunch first," Ron said. "Start walking."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April whistled once -- bossy, bossy -- but dutifully began to walk in the direction of where she thought the preserve might be. Maybe.

"Y'now, I manage the animal shelter," she informed him, albeit without any real conviction behind it. "Pretty sure hunting is a weird thing for me to be doing."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Please," Ron said. While the eyeroll wasn't visible, it was definitely audible. "We won't be hunting housepets."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"What're we hunting, then?" she asked. "I've never been in the woods here."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Rabbits, since the deer here are under--" Eyeroll, "Government protection."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April decided not to comment on the fact that many people did, in fact, keep rabbits as pets. Instead she said, "I thought deer were overpopulated."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Government," said Ron, as he came to a stop at the edge of the preserve, "Is a theater of the absurd."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"Whatever you say, Mr. Mayor," April said, though she didn't necessarily disagree.

She toed the dirt ground with her shoe, looking throughly underwhelmed by her surroundings. "So, what, I just find a rabbit and shoot at it?"

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"First, you have to assume the basic stance," Ron lectured. "Or you'll wrench your arm out. Stand like this--" He demonstrated, "Arms steady."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April mimicked Ron's posture, though she was maybe a little more rigid than was strictly ideal. "Like that?"

...Sort of.

"Is it one hand on the gun or two?"

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Two," Ron instructed. "Now point it at that tree."

Feh, flora.

"Squeeze the trigger very gently."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April shot at the tree. She was aiming for her own eyeline, but wound up hitting a slightly higher branch, about half a foot out from the trunk.

"Meant to do that."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"No, you did not," Ron said, crossing his arms.

His mustache looked very stern. "Again."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

She fired again.

She hit the trunk this time, much closer to where she'd been aiming. Rather than gloat or seem proud of herself, April just eyed the gun and remarked, "This is kind of loud."